bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
