i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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