Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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