In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
