I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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