fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize