Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
