Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
