This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
