My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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