dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
