Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
