Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
