youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just found puke in my bra..
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
