I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
