There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
