His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
