If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
