god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
