ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
