i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
