Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
