tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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