I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
