So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
