Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
