do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
