There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
