I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
