if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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