god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
