am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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