It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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