You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
