I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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