im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
