So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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