My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
