It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
