I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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