So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He better not be in your backpack
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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