so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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