I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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