god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
