Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
