Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize