now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
