i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
