You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
