Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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