Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
