i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
a search helicopter?!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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