there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
