New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
