i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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