She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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