yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
