can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
please come you make the beer taste better
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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