My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
