he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She's not a foreskin expert like you
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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