Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
