i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
