I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize