you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
