Welp...herpes.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
