I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
