You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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